Rating the Billboard top 10 (June 2017)

No pop songs have struck me enough to review over the past few weeks, and after getting bored of waiting, I've decided to just review what's popular. The easiest way to do this is of course to look at the Billboard top 10, presenting the 10 most popular songs in the US aggregated from radio plays, streaming, sales, YouTube views and probably some other stuff too. The chart in question is for the 'Billboard week June 24th', in case you are reading this far into the future and want to find the date when songs from the best and worst reviewed albums of the year were sitting together in the top 10.

10. Post Malone ft. Quavo - Congratulations

I used to be indifferent to Post Malone, I saw 'White Iverson' as a bland (rap?) anthem and couldn't be bothered to get angry about his 'cultural appropriation'. With 'Congratulations' nothing has changed. The song is marginally better than 'White Iverson' because it actually has a proper hook, but I'm still not gonna remember this in a few months. Plus, having a Quavo feature automatically ducks a point.
4/10

9. Zedd ft. Alessia Cara - Stay


I'll fully admit to never before having heard this song, but having now heard it several times, i can say it's actually decent, and better than I was expecting. I've never loved a song by Zedd or Alessia Cara before, and this is easily the best I've heard from either of them. It doesn't have any of the boring or irritating cliches of modern EDM, with no obsessive squealy noises and a tasteful drop that actually sounds good.
8/10

8. Two white guys ft. Coldplay - Something Just Like This


Coming from The Chainsmokers' aptly titled 'Memories... Do Not Open' (The lowest scoring album of the year so far on Metacritic.) album, this is nonetheless an alright song, albeit one I can't imagine anyone ever choosing to actually listen. Chris Martin's voice is enjoyable as ever, and the lyrics are actually decent, especially compared to nearly every other chainsmokers' song. The Chainsmokers are the ones who end up ruining this song though, with their super basic, ultra bland drop killing any creativity or energy the tune may have otherwise had.
5/10

7. Lil Uzi Vert - XO TOUR Llif3


I'm still not sure whether this is a great song or a terrible song, but I'm leaning toward great. I've never had anything other than indifference for Lil Uzi Vert, his image being more interesting than his music for the most part. I'm aware that the verses on this song contradict the utterly depressed lyrics of the two prominent hooks, but those hooks. "I DONT REALLY CARE IF YOU CRY-IIII" should not be as enjoyable to shout as it is, and neither should "All my friends are dead, push me to the edge", but somehow XO TOUR Llif3 manages to transcend the dark lyrics into a banger - hence why it's charted so high on Billboard despite having an indecipherable song title and no proper video.
8/10

6. Future - Mask Off


Err... I like the sample. It's a flute, right? You don't hear much like it in trap. But yeah, I dunno what to say about this. The lyrics are the typical autotuned flexing that has given trap music so many detractors, and the song always makes me feel slightly sleepy with Future's laid-back flow. Overall, I like it but don't think it's incredible.
6/10

5. Kendrick Lamar - HUMBLE.


This is more like it! While I will say that I think 'DAMN.' has been slightly overrated by critics - no matter which way you look at it it's not as good as 'To Pimp A Butterfly' or 'Good Kid, M.A.A.D City', it's still a really great project, and 'HUMBLE.' is one of my favourite songs off it. Every bar is memorable and entertaining, and it's nice to see that Kendrick managed to get a number one that wasn't 'Bad Blood'. The beat is incredible, and it's gonna be one of my songs of the year.
10/10

4. Ed Sheeran - urgh

When 'Shape Of You' first came out I thought it was decent. Now I NEVER WANT TO HEAR IT AGAIN.
Never again/10

3. DJ Khaled & Co. - I'm The One

DJ Khaled is undeniably one of the most interesting personalities in music right now, so it seems fulfilling that he's got a number one. It's also nice to see Chance the Rapper get a number one, and he's the best part of this song. Quavo is also suprisingly on-topic, and the beat is lightwieght and summery. Unfortunately, as usual, Justin Bieber's voice grates my eardrums, and as you would expect Lil Wayne ain't good.
5/10

2. Bruno Mars - That's What I Like

It's depressing that this feels like a throwback to a time when pop music was fun, but at the same time, anyone that doesn't enjoy this song probably has no soul. I was initially worried that Mars's brilliant album '24K Magic' would be seen as a flop when 'Versace On The Floor' failed to have much impact, but the pure likability of this song seems to have turned it into one of his biggest hits. The only 'Song of the summer 2017' I want to hear.
9/10

1. Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber - Despacito

A tale of two songs. I actually enjoy the spanish parts of this song quite a bit, as they sound vastly different from the rest of the top 50 and super-summery. The Justin Bieber parts are what brings it down for me, as once again his voice just annoys me. He was so prominent on the radio last year that I can only ever associate his voice with taking lukewarm showers in my bathroom, as that's the only time I listen to the radio and I ain't listening to Bieber voluntarily.
5/10

Top 10 best hit songs of 2016

2016 had a real drought of good music charting in the United States. Beyonce released a hugely-hyped and amazing album and only one song crawled onto the bottom half of the year-end list. Huge albums from Radiohead, the 1975 and Kanye West failed to have any hits that stuck around. Prince died and 'Purple Rain' re-entered the top 10 and was way better than anything in the top 100. That said, there was some decent music in the charts. The only criteria is a placing on the Billboard top 100 year-end list and to have not been on it last year, otherwise 2015 hits would be half this list - but anyway:

10. Flo Rida - My house




Yes, the piano line is ripped straight from 'Trampoline' by Kalin and Myles, and yes the song is shallow and yes, the pre-chorus is pretty awful, but I can't help but love 'My House'. The piano line is bouncy, the song is incredibly fun and in a year where music slogged along at a snails pace, this managed to speed things up without being a trashy EDM monstrosity.

9. Jeremih - oui




Why couldn't we get more of this kind of music in the chats in 2016? Music that just, ya know... sounded really good. 'oui' reminds me of one of my favourite 2013 hits, 'Suit & Tie' by Justin Timberlake and Jay Z, (The song references it in the chorus and the bright keyboards are obviously inspired by it.) and yet it doesn't feel like a copy, and so just ends up as a great song.

8. Adele - When we Were Young




One of the only slow songs to chart this year that wasn't boring, 'WWWY' is easily as good as 'Rolling in the Deep' or 'Someone Like You' and is also one of the few songs to try and tell a story in the lyrics, which was refreshing. It's also great to hear a song build up to a climactic final chorus, something which is so rare that only someone with the fame of Adele could make it into a top-20 hit.

7. Beyonce - Sorry




There were two massive songs this year titled 'Sorry' - an overplayed but otherwise bearable Justin Beiber song and an infinitely better Beyonce song. The only song that really stuck around from 'Lemonade', this isn't the best song off the album, but is still great. With angry lyrics backed by one of the best instrumentals of the year, it's as astoundingly real as everything else Beyonce has done in 2016.

6. Twenty-one pilots - Stressed Out



Obviously this was overplayed to the point where it was basically white noise, so it's hard to re-listen to this song with fresh ears. Nonetheless, it's far more interesting than so much of 2016's produce, with lyrics that are perhaps the most relatable of the year (Hence why it as so big.) and a chorus which is both unconventional and builds on itself every time. Plus, it was so refreshing simply to hear real drums on a massive hit.

5. Mike Posner - I Took A Pill In Ibiza (SeeB remix)



Nobody was expecting this. Not only did Mike Posner return from obscurity out of seemingly nowhere, he did purely out of the power of how good 'Ibiza' is. The most personal song to end up on Year-end list, it's so specific to Mike Posner that it's a wonder the public latched onto it - Hell, the original acoustic version didn't make any waves until the remix. But the remix is the superior version of 'Ibiza', with it's legitimately great drop that manages to give off fittingly creepy, chaotic vibes and yet also be danceable.

4. Bruno Mars - 24k Magic



YES, IT WASN'T ON THE YEAR END 100, but you can't deny that this was a massive hit. Plus there honestly aren't 10 great songs that landed on the list (I mean, I put Flo Rida on here...). Ultimately, 24k Magic is pretty much perfect. Bruno Mars has slowly morphed from one of the most unbearable artists of the early 2010s into someone making massive retro jams that give respect to the classics while creating banging modern classics in the process. It's almost the most fun song of the year.

3. The Weeknd - Starboy




Any song that stops Daft Punk from being known as one-hit wonders in the US already has my gratitude, but 'Starboy' is far more than an attempt to stay relevant - it's the Weeknd declaring that he has won the music industry. And with beats this sharp you believe him.

2. Flume ft. Kai - Never Be Like You




The weirdest, wonkiest hit of the year. Sure, Flume's glitch-pop masterpiece felt out of place next to the Rihannas and Drakes of the year, but that only added to it's charm. It's wailing, trippy and one of the catchiest songs of the year. Many hits of this year will be forgotten quickly - and trust me that's for the better - but 'Never be like you' will be one of the defining songs of 2016 for years to come.

1. D.R.A.M. ft. Lil Yachty - Broccoli




2016 was year where hip-hop struggled in comparison to recent year. Most big hits were terrible (Juju on that beat), Not rap at all (Drake) or memes (Panda). But there was one song, one unexpected breakthrough hit that outclassed every song released all year. And yes, I believe that song to be 'Broccoli'. It's the piano. It's the infection happiness in D.R.A.M's voice, it's every charmingly terrible line Lil Yachty spits. But most of all it's that flute! It sounds straight out of 'Earthbound' and I'm 100% sure it's not only why this song was a smash, but also the best hit song of 2016.