Rating the Billboard top 10 (June 2017)

No pop songs have struck me enough to review over the past few weeks, and after getting bored of waiting, I've decided to just review what's popular. The easiest way to do this is of course to look at the Billboard top 10, presenting the 10 most popular songs in the US aggregated from radio plays, streaming, sales, YouTube views and probably some other stuff too. The chart in question is for the 'Billboard week June 24th', in case you are reading this far into the future and want to find the date when songs from the best and worst reviewed albums of the year were sitting together in the top 10.

10. Post Malone ft. Quavo - Congratulations

I used to be indifferent to Post Malone, I saw 'White Iverson' as a bland (rap?) anthem and couldn't be bothered to get angry about his 'cultural appropriation'. With 'Congratulations' nothing has changed. The song is marginally better than 'White Iverson' because it actually has a proper hook, but I'm still not gonna remember this in a few months. Plus, having a Quavo feature automatically ducks a point.
4/10

9. Zedd ft. Alessia Cara - Stay


I'll fully admit to never before having heard this song, but having now heard it several times, i can say it's actually decent, and better than I was expecting. I've never loved a song by Zedd or Alessia Cara before, and this is easily the best I've heard from either of them. It doesn't have any of the boring or irritating cliches of modern EDM, with no obsessive squealy noises and a tasteful drop that actually sounds good.
8/10

8. Two white guys ft. Coldplay - Something Just Like This


Coming from The Chainsmokers' aptly titled 'Memories... Do Not Open' (The lowest scoring album of the year so far on Metacritic.) album, this is nonetheless an alright song, albeit one I can't imagine anyone ever choosing to actually listen. Chris Martin's voice is enjoyable as ever, and the lyrics are actually decent, especially compared to nearly every other chainsmokers' song. The Chainsmokers are the ones who end up ruining this song though, with their super basic, ultra bland drop killing any creativity or energy the tune may have otherwise had.
5/10

7. Lil Uzi Vert - XO TOUR Llif3


I'm still not sure whether this is a great song or a terrible song, but I'm leaning toward great. I've never had anything other than indifference for Lil Uzi Vert, his image being more interesting than his music for the most part. I'm aware that the verses on this song contradict the utterly depressed lyrics of the two prominent hooks, but those hooks. "I DONT REALLY CARE IF YOU CRY-IIII" should not be as enjoyable to shout as it is, and neither should "All my friends are dead, push me to the edge", but somehow XO TOUR Llif3 manages to transcend the dark lyrics into a banger - hence why it's charted so high on Billboard despite having an indecipherable song title and no proper video.
8/10

6. Future - Mask Off


Err... I like the sample. It's a flute, right? You don't hear much like it in trap. But yeah, I dunno what to say about this. The lyrics are the typical autotuned flexing that has given trap music so many detractors, and the song always makes me feel slightly sleepy with Future's laid-back flow. Overall, I like it but don't think it's incredible.
6/10

5. Kendrick Lamar - HUMBLE.


This is more like it! While I will say that I think 'DAMN.' has been slightly overrated by critics - no matter which way you look at it it's not as good as 'To Pimp A Butterfly' or 'Good Kid, M.A.A.D City', it's still a really great project, and 'HUMBLE.' is one of my favourite songs off it. Every bar is memorable and entertaining, and it's nice to see that Kendrick managed to get a number one that wasn't 'Bad Blood'. The beat is incredible, and it's gonna be one of my songs of the year.
10/10

4. Ed Sheeran - urgh

When 'Shape Of You' first came out I thought it was decent. Now I NEVER WANT TO HEAR IT AGAIN.
Never again/10

3. DJ Khaled & Co. - I'm The One

DJ Khaled is undeniably one of the most interesting personalities in music right now, so it seems fulfilling that he's got a number one. It's also nice to see Chance the Rapper get a number one, and he's the best part of this song. Quavo is also suprisingly on-topic, and the beat is lightwieght and summery. Unfortunately, as usual, Justin Bieber's voice grates my eardrums, and as you would expect Lil Wayne ain't good.
5/10

2. Bruno Mars - That's What I Like

It's depressing that this feels like a throwback to a time when pop music was fun, but at the same time, anyone that doesn't enjoy this song probably has no soul. I was initially worried that Mars's brilliant album '24K Magic' would be seen as a flop when 'Versace On The Floor' failed to have much impact, but the pure likability of this song seems to have turned it into one of his biggest hits. The only 'Song of the summer 2017' I want to hear.
9/10

1. Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber - Despacito

A tale of two songs. I actually enjoy the spanish parts of this song quite a bit, as they sound vastly different from the rest of the top 50 and super-summery. The Justin Bieber parts are what brings it down for me, as once again his voice just annoys me. He was so prominent on the radio last year that I can only ever associate his voice with taking lukewarm showers in my bathroom, as that's the only time I listen to the radio and I ain't listening to Bieber voluntarily.
5/10